Why It Is Okay Not To Be Okay – Counseling Guide To Emotional Recovery

We always think that being emotional is a sign of weakness. We believe that others would jump right off when we show even a little of that soft side and take advantage of us. That is why we tend to hide our true feelings. We have this mentality that we think we need to show the world that we are strong despite being emotionally damaged. But there is entirely nothing wrong with that, though. In some fortunate instances, that strategy works fine, especially for those who want to focus on immediate emotional healing. However, the usual result of that forceful recovery process is going back to severe emotional turmoil.

Since most of us are driven by empathy and compassion, we always think about ourselves more delicately. That is why we want to project the idea of being “okay” as something stable. We want to feel better, so we continuously attempt to convince ourselves that we need to get better. That is good, actually. The more we want to regain ourselves, the more we become aware of what we should and should not do. But sometimes, the effort we put into stabilizing our emotional state is way too much that we condemn feeling the unwanted feelings.

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The In Denial Stage That Gets Us Really Bad

Usually, when we feel a little bit emotional about something, we often shrug it off. We are used to ignoring whatever it is that we do not understand. We somehow do not want to exaggerate ourour unpleasant feelings chose to forget about them. But the problem with that is it sticks with us. Deep inside, it gets rotten. And the more we lie to ourselves, the more it gives us this underlying pain.

When we are emotionally not okay, we often tell everyone the opposite. When someone asks, “How are you?” it is merely easy to respond, “I’m okay,” though we are not. But why is that? Of course, our intention is not to lie to others, but we find security while lying about our feelings somehow. Perhaps that is due to the belief that everything shall pass and that we should not make a big deal over a strange emotional issue. We think that soon enough, things will get back to the way it was. Besides, we believe that there is no point in burdening others with irrelevant things.

But the sad part about the habit of telling people that we are okay is the impossibility of these concerned individuals to lend a hand. The more we try and convince them that we are okay, the more they get used to seeing us in a strong and willful condition. And once they get that idea that we are capable and do not genuinely need any help, these people end up ignoring us. They will not bother to ask us anymore if we are okay. And that is what makes us sad, empty, and alone.

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The Emotional Vulnerability That Needs To Be Seen

When we are in a deep hole of emotional despair, we know that it is only a span of time before we eventually break down and shatter into pieces. We are aware that we need help and that we are crying so hard deep inside because others cannot see what we are going through. We know there is something wrong, and most of the time, we understand what is wrong. It is just that we are often afraid of uncertainties. We are not prepared for the consequences of our actions or behaviors. We are scared of others’ judgment towards our emotional inability.

But if we carefully think about it, expressing our thoughts and feelings often creates the same result. Meaning, regardless of hiding and lying about our sorrows, letting it out still gives us the same expectations. People either ignore us or give us attention. So in this matter, it provides us a definite answer to know which one we prefer – that is to express our feelings no matter what.

Since we usually emphasize leaning into the emotional discomfort, we often experience, it moves us away from finally accepting the imperfections of things. And that holds us in the idea that we should stay and get better no matter what. But apparently, being not okay is still okay. It conveys the concept that what we feel is what we should feel because it is real. We emotionally struggle not because we are weak but because we learn to accept ourselves with non-judgment, self-compassion, and self-love.

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Insight

Being emotionally capable does not mean we should be strong enough to control our emotions. Instead, it means we should understand how our emotions, in a way, affect us and others. Of course, it is not easy to stay emotionally unavailable all the time. But if we honor our emotional experience, our recovery will be all worth it.